It may be that there are some unrealistic expectations surrounding the possibility of your realising for yourself your permanent contact with The God. This may be because of the cyclic prevalence of self-appointed people in positions of presumed importance for the governance of mankind.
When a Human being, aware that a rôle is initiated by God to fulfill, is truly in receipt of that appointment, then when brought into contact with the self-appointed, the self-appointed inevitably become disappointed until the true nature of that contact, as a kept appointment, becomes clear.
Hence, a certain hesitation always attends the initiate appointed by God, for their appearance is disappointing, provoking unease amongst those whose self-appointed function has become difficult even for them to uphold.
The illusory outer conditions necessary for the appearance of the person charged with carrying a message by Divine appointment therefore, are generally prepared coincidentally so as to give all concerned the greatest possible chance of survival amidst the painful, albeit temporary, realignment of an inner order that preempts the realignment then of outer disorders.
Life Itself is an appointment, all life is a wonder to those who have received God’s disappointing message and who as a result are joyfully realised, reappointed by the constant appointment of their Life.
The lives of all Holy messengers point to One Source, a journey pointing to One Destination.
Wonder and amazement are the antidotes for any disappointment.